Stop blaming the narcissist's behavior

Narcissist abuse is an absurdly popular topic these days. Therapists and recovery coaches post content on social media that educates people on the various types of narcissism and their distinguishing behaviors, creating community around shared experiences and perpetually blaming the narcissists. It is amazing to know we are not alone in our experiences, nor are we awful, unlovable human beings like they incessantly made us out to be. I say "us" because I have experienced this multiple times myself.

BUT -

The thing I have never once heard acknowledged by anyone is that narcissistic abuse, and abuse in general, can only happen when we're searching for love and acceptance outside of ourselves. When we're born and as we grow up, our parents are supposed to be our the external force that unconditionally loves and supports us, which implants within us a healthy sense of Self. When this doesn't happen because of abuse, neglect, adoption, etc., we look to other people to provide the love we should be able to provide ourselves. When we are disconnected from our internal voice, the part of us that always intuitively knows the answer, our boundaries are weak and we compromise what we know to be right for the idea of love.

This is NOT your fault, nor is it your parent's fault - we are all doing the best we can and the only way to heal and break the cycle is with compassion. Reconnecting with the Self builds uncompromising self love that helps recognize all forms of abuse (not just narcissistic abuse) and be so fulfilled that their tactics are no longer appealing. Healing the Self is felt by others who interact with us and creates healed children, which have a way of healing the rest of the world bit-by-bit.